Futurestyle 79

Listen, Sugar

2010-10-14T16:49:00.001-07:00

As an “award” winning author of romantic fiction, Cheryl-Lynn McAlister will answer letters from our readers to help them navigate through life and love at the end of the 70's...

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

I understand that you are an advice writer for the love-forlorn. I am one of those people.

My boyfriend is a Scorpio and I am a Virgo. You can imagine the strife. He wants to be the first one to deflower me (we are not talking hippies here) but I want to save myself for my future husband.

I realize in this day and age, my perspective is quite old-fashioned. Did I mention he is in a band? And he wears a dark fringy vest that just stinks, because he doesn't wear deodorant.

You may indeed wonder what I see in him. It's those eyes, and when he sings, he looks (and sounds like) Jackson Browne.

How can I resist him, yet keep him interested? Should I suggest he get his "rocks off" (don't you hate that phrase?) with one of the groupies, or stay true to me?

I look forward to your advice.

Signed,
Virgin Virgo

Dear Virgo,

Listen, Sugar...don't you worry about being old fashioned. Where's the harm in that? I'd be one of the last to tell any girl to give up the bread slices for free because really, the man isn't going to worry about buyin' the whole loaf while he's enjoying a free sandwich.

Your Scorpio boyfriend is just looking to use his stinger. He may look and sound like Jackson Browne but it sounds to me like the relationship is "Running On Empty".

And I know you love his dreamy eyes when you're watchin' him on the stage. But, remember: up close, he's just "The Pretender" in a stinky leather vest.

"Stay" true to yourself.

xoxo-
Cheryl-Lynn

***

This next letter & Cheryl-Lynn's response were published in last month's Future Style. Cheryl-Lynn received a follow-up letter from "Ms. Williams" and so we're reprinting the original correspondence...

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

My boyfriend of three years has decided that we have to break up because I support the ERA.

I told him that I had to support it; that it would enable me to make the same amount of money that he does (we work the same shifts) and that would mean MORE money for our family-to-be.

He claims to be a feminist in a man's body. But, this latest decision indicates to me that he is NOT really fully self-realized- in spite of his fondness for Listen To The Warm by Rod McKuen.

He says that if I drop my efforts to get the ERA approved we will have a happy life and we'll still live in equity. I am tempted. What would you advise? He did read Our Bodies, Ourselves in its entirety. And he has his own subscription to Ms. Magazine.

Waiting for a reply

ERA! ERA! ERA!!!

Ms. Williams

Dear Ms. Williams,

Listen, Sugar... this man is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Just because he talks the talk he is far from ready to walk the walk. And while he may enjoy Listen To The Warm he won't really listen until he's about to feel the cold.

I want you to think long and hard about what he's asking you to do before you make your decision. Do you think our great grandma suffragettes would be proud of you if you "drop your efforts to get the ERA approved."?

I want you to take a look at ERA.

Now, look at what it spells backwards: ARE.

Do you know "who you ARE" and will you be happy with "who you ARE" if you give up your beliefs to become who he wants you to be? The ERA will give us equality and with that comes freedom to choose to give ourselves some "space" to find ourselves.

He's saying without the ERA you'll "live in equity."

Take a closer look at that phrase: IN EQUITY

And now remove the space between "in" and "equity": INEQUITY

It's amazing what a little space can do.

xoxo-
Cheryl-Lynn

Dear Ms. McAlister:

Thank you for your quick response. His name is Billy. If you replace the "B" with an "S", you get his real nature. Amazing what "a little s'" will do.

I am taking your advice. My grandmother would be rolling over in her grave. Except that she was burnt up in a fire started by a grizzly bear. But, that's another tale.

You should write a column for a newspaper!

Sincerely,
Newly single and proud of it. I just burned Listen To The Warm. Now, I'm looking for Jane Fonda's biography. And Gloria Steinem's. And I just slapped the neighbor who called me "baby" silly.

Baseball Never Goes Out of Style

2010-10-12T10:27:00.001-07:00

LET'S GO, GIANTS!

Photo: baseball-almanac.com

October 13th Show

2010-10-11T14:22:00.001-07:00

Tickets for this week's Live Event are going fast, everybody. Faster than ever before. It seems like people might be hearing something about these, getting out the word of mouth as it were. Better hop on it while the getting's good!

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/126712

Lite Brite: A Colorful Array of Shining Light!

2010-10-03T17:24:00.001-07:00

by Jeb Wilkerson

I usually don’t spend this much time playing with children’s toys. But, I must say, that I did just that with the Lite Brite.

It consists of a black peg holder, a white body with a light bulb in the center back, and a bunch of colored pegs. You can also get design paper that you snap onto the front, which gives you many fun designs to create.

This is a hit with the kids. But, as I mentioned earlier, it managed to entertain me for hours last night. I also found yet another, most likely unintended, use for this wonderful Lite Brite.

I do not have a green thumb. I am always under watering or over watering all of my house plants. As it turns out, I always forget to set the plants that require more sunlight outside during the day only to realize what I have done after the sun has gone to bed.

What I discovered is the following: If you hang your Lite Brite upside down from a hook above your plants, they receive the light that they would normally get during the day! I, in fact, love this idea so much I will be purchasing about 12 more Light Brights and will be making a Pilla Dundrum grow room in my basement!

Just think, San Francisco, the ability to grow your favorite house plants in the comfort of your own home, day or night! I see in the future many more applications for this, such as tomato plants and perhaps even squash!

Editor's Note: As of press time we were unable to determine what a "Pilla Dundrum" is, exactly. Therefore, the publishers of Future Style, its advertisers and the Hasbro Corporation disavow any knowledge of Mr. Wilkerson's extracurricular activities.

Collins' Column: There's No Business Like Show Business

2010-10-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

I just want to begin by saying how much fun our live events have been! The response has been great! Please join us one of these upcoming Wednesdays (Oct 6-Oct 27). You'll find more information by using one of the "links" above!

Speaking of "show biz": Future Style received a call from the producers of TV's People Are Talking this past Wednesday. They wanted our advice columnist, Cheryl-Lynn McAlister ("Listen, Sugar"), and one person from our staff (of her choosing) to appear on the show the following morning.

Needless to say, we were all pretty excited!

Then, a few hours later, they abruptly canceled her appearance and replaced her with John Travolta (who happened to be in town for some reason).

One could shrug one's shoulders and say "That's show biz, kid".

I, however, prefer to furrow my brow and say: "That's just rude, People Are Talking".

You threw away your chance to feature a great local talent from a great local magazine (that could use some publicity) to chit-chat with some flash-in-the-pan, Hollywood pretty boy who'll probably be back to bussing tables once his novelty wears off.

I should point out that I don't direct my ire at Ann Fraser or Ross McGowan- whom I consider blameless victims in all of this. They were just doing what their producers told them to.

Ann & Ross: Mere Pawns In Media Mishigas

(No offense intended, Mr. Travolta. To be fair, my wife, Cookie, thought you were just wonderful in The Boy In the Plastic Bubble a few years back. I thought the script was somewhat trite- but I guess I can't blame you for that. And we saw Grease. But, that was more for Sha Na Na being in it. And they were hardly in it! I know, I know- not your fault...)

The point is: movies & TV shows come and go. And sure, it's fun to talk about "pop culture" and your frothy, Hollywood hoo-ha. But, when people are hungry for real information & entertainment, they'll always go to back to words on a printed page.

Speaking of Sha Na Na: I met them at Woodstock! Remind me to tell you the story some time.

Some Things Never Go Out of Style

2010-09-22T13:14:00.001-07:00

Solar Eclipse: A Retrospective

2010-09-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

by Jeb Wilkerson

Jeb Wilkerson is on assignment. We are reprinting one of his columns from earlier this year...

Hello, my fellow San Franciscans!

I love this city and even more than that I love science, technology, and the proliferation of truth.

What truth you ask? The truth of what goes on in the world around us. In this world there are many questions to be asked and the answers are out there my friends. Yes dare I say, the truth is out there!

In my last column, I told you about the upcoming total solar eclipse. In that article I spoke of the dangers and of the history of the solar eclipse. Well, the numbers are in and they are good. It looks as if old Jeb's advice was listened to and acted upon. There was not one case of blindness recorded in the entire US as a result of the eclipse.

O.K. There was one case. But, it involved a pitchfork. So, I honestly doubt it is related in any way shape or form. Unless, of course, it was the eclipse that caused the 32 year old man to drop said pitchfork. But, I digress.

On a more interesting note, the solar eclipse did end up casting a shadow that was 175 miles wide covering Oregon all the way up to North Dakota before moving on up to Canada. During this time, all of the states in-between were covered in a cloud of darkness. Certain sources have stated that for a bit of time it seemed as if some portions of the US went "off grid".

I have decided to head up my own investigation of this off-gridness. Any help you could provide would be of utmost importance. If you have any family that lives in-between North Dakota and Oregon that you could not get a hold of during the blackout, please send me a message as I would like to follow up with you.

Jeb Wilkerson may be contacted at futurestyle79@gmail.com

Listen, Sugar

2010-08-22T13:26:00.000-07:00

As an “award” winning author of romantic fiction. Cheryl-Lynn McAlister will answer letters from our readers to help them navigate through life and love at the end of the 70's...

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

My mother and father have recently divorced over my father's recent infidelity. I offered to send my mother on a vacation, all expenses paid! Now she wants to go on a three week singles cruise to the South Sea Islands. How can I convince her to abandon her scandalous decision?

Signed,

Concerned Son

Dear Concerned,

Listen Sugar, your mother is a woman, a W-O-M-A-N. Shall I say it again? I know it's hard to accept your parents as people but people they are. With wants and needs just like the next person. If your put upon momma wants to have a liaison de intrigue, who are you to begrudge her? After all, how do you think she made you? She sure didn’t find you under a cabbage leaf!

XO-Cheryl-Lynn

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

My lover has special name for my "special place" and he asked me to come up with a name for his. When I did he didn't like it. I thought they went together. His name for mine is "Cabbage Patch". My name for his is "Little Digger". He really didn't like it. I can't think of a better one, help!

Signed,

Euphemistically Failing

Dear Euphemistically,

Listen Sugar, I took your problem to the Streets of San Francisco and asked men to help you in the language of love. Here are the top 3 responses. Good luck with the pillow talk

Thor's Hammer

The Destroyer

The Sword of Damascus

XO- Cheryl-Lynn

Need advice? Send Cheryl-Lynn an email at futurestyle79@gmail.com

Solar Eclipse on the Horizon

2010-08-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

by Jeb Wilkerson

Jeb Wilkerson is currently on assignment. We are reprinting one of his articles from earlier this year...

Caution! Warning! Beware!

On February 26th there will be a total solar eclipse. It is expected to travel from the southern hemisphere to the northern hemisphere.

Now, these solar eclipses occur when the moon travels directly between the earth and the sun during the day light hours. These differ from an eclipse during the evening, which is called a lunar eclipse.

Although most of the United States will only see a partial solar eclipse due to their position on this wonderful planet, some states will experience total darkness during a portion of the day.

How much darkness and for how long? This is something that only the experts can say for sure, of which I have not been able to successfully contact one. Everyone seems to be out to lunch or unreachable. This can only make one wonder what is really going on.

I will give you these words of advice: DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THIS BEAUTIFUL NATURAL PHENOMENON. It turns out, from my research, that many Mayan children did this the last time there was a total solar eclipse and as a result 25% of them went blind.

There is a special device that you can make or buy that is said to protect ones eyes from the blinding light that is shown forth but I for one will be looking directly at the ground for the entire eclipse and I suggest that you do the same.

Listen, Sugar

2010-08-22T12:55:00.001-07:00

As an “award” winning author of romantic fiction, Cheryl-Lynn McAlister will answer letters from our readers to help them navigate through life and love at the end of the 70's...

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

Last Saturday at the bar Lord Jim's, my boyfriend became quite upset when he noticed I was talking with the yummy new bartender over a double Cape Cod. He threatened to break up with me if I didn't stop flirting. Flirting is my form of self expression and I don't take it seriously, why should he?

Signed,
Gadfly

Dear Gadfly,

Listen Sugar, your boyfriend is just responding to his natural urges to protect his perimeter. It's one thing to flex your flirt muscle when you're out with your girlfriends painting the town purple. It’s another when your steady paramour has a court-side seat to your antics and the score is love-love. Wouldn't it be worse if he was completely unfazed by your butterflying about? As my great grandma (for whom I was named) used to tell my grandmother. Dance with the one that brought ya!

XO- Cheryl Lynn

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

Now that my husband works from home he’s become quite fond of leisurely “romance in the morning”, but with my hour plus commute I don't have time for more than a quickie before I run out the door with my instant coffee. How can I make him understand that sex in the morning is more of distraction that a pleasure?

Signed,
Rushing

Dear Rushing:

Listen Sugar, the do it yourself divorce is an example of our instant culture. Instant breakfast, instant coffee, instant pudding, well let me tell you, instant lovemaking is one of the reasons this country is in the shape it's in.

When I was a girl, my daddy built my mother a new kitchen. Slowly. By hand. My mother made every meal in that kitchen, from scratch. Now, based on the longevity of their relationship and the abundance and pulchritude of their progeny, I'm pretty sure they applied the same homemade ethos to the romantic side of their marriage. Really, sugar, if you're not careful divorce won't be your only do it yourself activity.

XO-
Cheryl-Lynn

Dear Cheryl-Lynn,

My fiance is Hawaiian from the main island and I am Jewish from Long Island. Our families have finally gotten used to the idea of our marriage. But, now we can't decide on the menu for the reception. My mother insists on classic Jewish cuisine. My fiance is insistent on a luau with a roasted pig and pupu platter. What should we do?

Signed,
Long Island Hula Girl

Dear Long Island,

Listen Sugar, I have one word for you two: Elope!

Aloha- OY!
XO- Cheryl Lynn

Need advice? Send your questions to futurestyle79@gmail.com

Collins' Column: Mimes- Walking Against A Wind Of Bigotry?

2010-08-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that during my absence from the office, an incident may have occurred where a local mime- or possibly mimes- may have been physically and/or verbally harassed by members of the Future Style staff.

I'd like to assure our readers that it was all a big misunderstanding. I swear.

Future Style is NOT "anti-mime" and looks forward to a future where this art form receives the respect it deserves.

On a personal note, my wife Cookie and I really enjoyed The Shields and Yarnell Show.

It's a shame it was canceled.

The Race for the Train

2010-08-16T23:16:00.001-07:00

Check it out everyone! And don't forget, if you're just DYING to know what Futurestyle '79 will look like on stage, you can find us at the SF Improv Festival, Friday August 20th at 11:30pm at the jam hosted by UPPER CUT. Come in your 1970's outfit, and enjoy the disco party after our preview!

When Elliptical Orbits Collide

2010-08-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

by Jeb Wilkerson

Today's column is regarding the fact that the National Association of Space and Aeronautics has just released to the public that Neptune and Pluto are now switched.

N.A.S.A, as most Americans refer to them, has stated many years ago that they found a new planet. This is nothing new. This is something that your average high schooler knows. What they neglected to mention is that Pluto and Neptune have the ability to switch positions in the interstellar sky.

This, for me, brings a bunch of things into question. If a national government agency can go back on information or slowly tell us all the facts of a situation than what solid ground do we have to stand on? What if someday we learn that Pluto is not a planet at all? What if the moon is made of cheese and what if up is really down in China?

For me, there are too many questions left unanswered. Perhaps we need to have some sort of citizen regulation. I, for one, would offer up my expertise in the field in a heartbeat.

But, until they come knocking on my door I will have to leave you with this, San Francisco: Neptune is now the outermost planet and Pluto, the planet, is not the last planet in our solar system.

At least until NASA changes its mind again.

This Week's Promo!

2010-08-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

For our fourth promotional video, we give you a little misunderstanding. Also, did you know there are only six weeks left until the Future is here?

Futurestyle '79 is a live, improvised sitcom set against the backdrop of San Francisco in 1979, and starring the writers and staff of Future Style magazine.

They're writing the future, one page at a time, but they have no idea what's coming.

Some Things Never Go Out of Style

2010-08-08T00:40:00.000-07:00

2010-08-02T00:42:00.000-07:00

Iris Robinson is Future Style magazine's assistant editor, and maybe the only one trying to make the place a little more habitable. "Waffle Mondays" might not be her best received idea, though.

Disco Humans: Are They Living Among Us?

2010-07-27T15:31:00.001-07:00

by Jeb Wilkerson

Ladies and Gents, I was dancing at the roller disco last night and they must have played the new Bee Gee's song, "Too Much Heaven" once on the hour all night long. It is indeed picking up steam and in my opinion is going to top the charts in no time.

But, as the Bee Gee's are climbing the charts and the disco inferno nights take hold of us all, I just have to wonder: where we are climbing to?

Man is a curious creature indeed. Science and technology are soaring above us and buzzing all around us- from neon lights to the pending government approval of home brewing centers. Where does this all lead? Are Disco Humans the next wave?

Think about it. Shiny disco balls all around us, technology enthusiasts developing more and more research on this microchip thing, and the future is upon us. I could see all this technology going in the direction of personal fashion. Someday, my babies, you will see the disco ball reinvented. Reinvented to usher in the style of new cloths, new headpieces, and a totally new reinvention of the self that reflects the times we are living in.

Disco humans may already be upon us! We all already look in the mirror and usually like what we see. If people make this final leap, we will see a world full of the images we most care about. Us in the present, hear, and now. Combine this with the microchip and that my friends, is something right out of an Issac Asimovic future.

Will all this happen? Are the great science fiction writers of the past and of our time have a keen perception of what the future holds?

Only time will tell.

More Scenes from Around the Office

2010-07-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Future Stylers!

Gradey Faders is our top notch music critic; a laid back guy with a hard-earned understanding of the music industry. Unfortunately, not everyone is just as laid back as he is...

Right on! Keep on doing it Future Style!

Big News for the Future

2010-07-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Good morning, Future Style Fans!

Seems like it's time to make a big announcement. Futurestyle '79 will be on the stage live Starting September 22nd, and every Wednesday night until our big finish, and our big party on October 27th.

Futurestyle '79 will be an ongoing, improvised story set at the offices of Future Style Magazine, in the year 1979. Come see the story as it unfolds! Watch weekly as we explore the lives of the writers, managers and staff of this forward-thinking publication. Every week is a new story, but time moves on, and for the crew of Future Style, the future could be full of surprises.

So, come see Futurestyle '79 at the Off Market Theaters. And stay tuned to this blog for announcements, information and even Future Style Magazine articles!

This is the place to be, people. This is how we do it Future Style!

A Typical Day At The Futurestyle Offices

2010-07-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

Collins' Column: Heck On Wheels

2010-07-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

By Tom Collins

Jeb Wilkerson, our technology columnist, loves to roller skate in the office. It drives me a little crazy sometimes.

Here he is in San Francisco's Union Square "getting down" (or whatever the kids call it these days)...

I have to admit: this young man can really roll!

Future Style is live!

2010-06-04T01:28:00.000-07:00

Future Style!